#955. I once read a story about a woman who made sure she at least "milked" her husband every day. Something to think about, ladies.
#1090. One day I told everyone he was like a brother to me. The next day I screwed his girlfriend. Fuck him if he didn't know that me and my bro sometimes screwed each other's girl.
#2252. My godson was talking about who the first person was.
Once we got that all talked out he turned to me and said "I think God is a robot".
I certainly didn't disagree.
#4018. People are always saying SLUT like it's derogatory.
I still jack off thinking about the time I watched my wife blow him.
#4246. I lay there next to her thinking about the soft curves leading to her secret sweet place and how much I wanted to see her arch her back and disappear into pleasure, glad that I still wanted her after all these years.
"Did you take the trash out?" she asked
#4520. Once I was a camp counselor for a bunch of sixth graders.
I noticed one kid wouldn't shower. "Could you watch my clothes? See, they're going to try and get my underware, cause, well...I...I shit myself"
They called him Chucky Shit-chips.
Damn kids are cruel.
#6081. My brother went to college in West Virginia. I went to visit him when I was 17 and he took me to a coal miner bar that had a shaved nude dancer they called Face cause her head was way bigger than it should have been. A coal miner paid her five bucks to eat her in the corner. She sold us a doobie on her break. Some woman kept pacing up and down the bar saying "My tooth! My tooth!" and doing shots of whiskey.
My brother always did know the best places to drink.
#6639. So after we had sex, she told this woman Sandy that I work with "did you ever have sex with someone, and it felt DIFFERENT? Kind of tingley and stuff?" Sandy said "yeah, stupid, that's an orgasm"
And then she got back together with her old boyfriend, now they're married.
Hell, I didn't care. It's her lowbrow moment, not mine.
#7926. I can't believe my friend emailed me a quicktime movie of that hot chick getting it hard from behind by a dalmation on a baby blanket in the living room.
Now every time I see a hot chick I wonder if she's doing the family dog in her spare time.
While no one is doing me.